Tricks, Tricks, and More Tricks …
Now even time seems to be playing tricks. I’ve been up for some time now. Truthfully, I didn’t sleep at all last night, and whatever time I could have used to study, was spent ambling through blogs and trying to find an artwork to use as a text for English Advanced - the latter wasn’t accomplished. But it feels like a Saturday afternoon, even though it’s midday on Monday. And it feels like late afternoon, even thought it’s only … 12:06pm. The day feels like it’s going a mile a day. Shouldn’t that be good, considering it gives me more ‘time’ to study? I get a recurring feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think about it … that, and I’ve spent the past two hours poring over two paragraphs for an essay.
I think my lack of sleep isn’t due to the fact that I worry almost constantly about the upcoming exams. They start in eleven days (!!!), which is adequate time to get notes together and such, should I “manage my time properly” (six hours a day is enough, thanks, even if they’re spent doing things haphazardly). I just seem to have a screwed up sleeping cycle; I haven’t slept at night since I graduated - all my snoozing (which tends to be no more than three hours a day …) is done during daylight hours, and then once six o’clock rolls in, I hop back on the computer and try (unsuccessfully) to balance an online life with academics.
And then there are the nightmares - last ‘night’ I dreamt that I’d sat my exams and failed all of them, and then a shift with soft focus (oh, gotta love the film techniques) later, it was 2035 and I was in a minimalistic desk job and my UAI of 55.25 was burning on the wall in blue flames. The sleep before, the dream was about my stellar (90+, in other words) results across all exams, but my papers were mixed up with those of another member of my cohort, whose maximum potential was 45. I mean, ridiculously unlikely (if not impossible) it may be, but holy crap, it takes its toll. I’d say that I’d be afraid to sleep, but it’s not particularly a fear of it. More like … an insignificant, lingering dread. Eeek.
With all of that off my chest, I feel quite a bit less apprehensive about the whole “wahh-I-won’t-get-into-A(M&C)-heeeeelp” notion; I just pray that the cohort across all my subjects does well in the exams, so that if I aim to get a mark of 85+ in all of them, I won’t be completely screwed. I’m also relying a little on UNSW’s HSC Plus scheme to boost my overall mark a little bit, so that if I don’t get into Media & Comms, I’ll get into Arts/Education (or … I could just go to another university … hrm). I suppose the fluctuations are becoming more erratic; here’s to betting that I’ll be tearing my hair out tomorrow.
As a forewarning (to any readers and to myself, to a certain extent - I see this as a test of willingness), I’ll be disappearing from this weekend onwards, until my exams finish (November 2). Internet is off-limits to me from next Wednesday, so that I’ll be able to study. No, actually,I’ll just force myself to stick only to websites that help in studying/cramming/ripping hair out in frustration. Let’s hope this works … it has to, damnit! *raises umpteenth champagne glass* To motivation, ambition, and studying! (Maybe.)